Hasbro’s New ‘Monopoly: Longest Game Ever’ is Here to Help You Lose All Your Friends

You Can’t Spell ‘Monopoly’ Without ‘No’

A non-insignificant amount of people have not played Monopoly since bitterly dissolving a family game night following seven hours of dead-end progress, scrapping the unfinished game because no one could trust anyone else not to cheat overnight.  It may or may not have also included yelling at your grandmother about the acquisition of a fictional railroad. Thankfully, Hasbro saw this and said “what if we made it worse?”

Actual Footage of Family Game Night via GIPHY

Mon-(and on and on)-opoly

Finally, the board game giant has released Monopoly: Longest Game Ever to further increase tensions between you and the people you were hoping to have fun with. Whatever emerging introvert is hoping to cut out all communication with the outside world can now just attempt a round of super-Monopoly — with twice the spaces to cover, half the dice to travel it, and no bankruptcy to bail them out. That’s right, players must continue until all properties are in the monopolistic possession of one faux capitalist. At least the rest of the table will have a unified target for their hatred.

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Monopo-less

The yin of ‘Longest Game Ever’ is not without its yang. Hasbro is also debuting ‘Speed Monopoly’ – an abbreviated version of the original game meant to last only 10 minutes. In this version, players will all take their turns simultaneously to cut back on downtime. There are also two ‘GO’ spaces, and every ‘get out of jail’ attempt is an instant success. Perhaps the fast-tracked version of the game can be how you make amends with everyone you’ve cut out of your life after a knock-down, drag-out battle in the marathon style game. Both will retail for $19.99, so you can start planning the dissolution of your friend group now, on the timetable of your choosing, and for only 20 bucks.


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